I recently taught a workshop in my community to explore tools for relieving holiday stress. I didn't realize how necessary these tools would be until I felt time hurtling forward towards Thanksgiving. So much to do, so little time and energy! Here I'm sharing with you a few things I learned from the group.
As the holiday season comes into full swing, our calendars fill up, each weekend or weeknight dedicated to to-do lists, grocery and gift shopping, parties and travel. If we're hosting an event, that's a whole other set of responsibilities. How do we navigate it all? Often we go full speed ahead: accomplish, purchase, go, do, accomplish some more, without even stopping to consider: is all of this even necessary? How can we participate in all the ways we desire without getting caught up in the "shoulds" and "have-tos"? (I mean, do we really need to kill ourselves to clean that one more baseboard?)
Obligation, Expectation and Guilt
As much as the holidays are a joyful, giving time of year, we can exacerbate stress by: being or feeling obligated to do more than we have the energy for; having high expectations for ourselves or others; or sitting in the feelings of guilt that go along with any perceived sense of failure to do the most.
There was a time in my life when I realized that I would die in my expectations if I didn't learn to let them go. Trying to live up to some grand sense of who we should be or who we wish others were only fuels the flames of worry. It is important to recognize that much is out of our control. Money is only going to go so far, people are going to feel how they feel and expect what they expect. But we do have power over how we respond, act and react. Usually. If someone is not appreciative of our efforts, we can find peace knowing we have done enough while offering ourselves and others grace.
My favorite thing about the holidays is gathering with family, reminiscing and laughing until we hurt. Nostalgia nourishes me as much as creating new memories. Unfortunately, not everyone has this experience. For some, visiting with family (or attending the dreaded work party) is the stressful part. Walking on eggshells around that one person (or several) is not good for the soul. It doesn't feel good nor does it honor who we are. Maintaining our own sense of peace and creating good boundaries is vital to our health.
Life is a balance. Sometimes that balance comes in the form of saying no. How hard is that for many of us? How necessary? When we take a moment to sit and become clear, oftentimes we discover that how we are moving forward is not really our best option. We become clear that one more gift or that one more dish, party or gathering is not really what we truly want or are available for. When we do a disservice to ourselves, ultimately we do a disservice to everyone. But, we feel guilty for choosing what's best for us and often will take the more uncomfortable road of obligation just to avoid disappointing another. Accepting one more sweet invitation to an event can cause strain on our time and pocketbook. We have to ask ourselves, "Will this add more value to my life by accepting, or cause a drain on my reserve?" Regret goes both ways. It can be a tough decision.
It is important to take the time and consider what is truly resting in our spirit. Where do we choose to spend our resources and where do we kindly decline? And if we choose to do it all no matter how taxing each commitment may be, how can we maintain our grounded sense of peace?
Embrace joy wherever you can find it.
Honor the spirit of the season and look for the moments of delight and gratitude in each day. Be honest with yourself and others whenever you can. Set aside time for rest and recuperation so that you can be fully present with each activity.
There are a multitude of resources and blogs out there that give specific self-cares tools. My good friend Heidi at The Hope Builder even explored some recently here: https://www.thehopebuilder.com/get-grounded/
For now, I want to focus on two simple tools that you can take anywhere and do anytime. They also work well together.
Using I Am statements as affirmations can be helpful and centering. Placing one hand over your heart or belly can aid in this practice. (I use both hands if I'm seated, and I close my eyes.) Repeat silently or out loud. Choose one or more to keep with you and return to each time you need a moment to remember Who You Are and what your greatest intention is this season.
I Am Grateful
I Am Present
I Am Supported
I Am Well
I Am Abundant
I Am Loved
I Am Free
Remember that as long as you have breath, you have a place to focus anywhere, anytime. Being present with the breath is my favorite way to return to myself, to my inner most being. Noticing how it feels moving in and out of our body is an excellent way to reconnect to ourselves and be present. Watching the breath for a few moments has a way of calming the nervous system. Anytime you need a moment of pause, you can come to this practice. If you can, excuse yourself to a quiet room, the bathroom or bedroom, and sit for a few minutes, even one minute, and breathe.
Do this with me now. Notice your breath. Notice the natural pause at the top of the inhale, hang out there for an extra beat or two if it's comfortable, then exhale. Notice the natural pause at the end of the exhale. Notice that you can possibly even exhale a little longer that you realized. Notice how the breath feels expanding and contracting. Do all of this without a sense of force. Be easy, and breathe. Sit here for as long as you need. Once you feel satisfied, return to your tasks at hands with more calm and clarity.
Stress is often unavoidable. How we handle it is our choice. Give yourself grace for when you falter and forgiveness for when others do. Much Love and Happy Holidays!